When I look back on life, it has been my experience that some of the most trying times have been the most rewarding as well. I started to wonder whether or not personal development and personal pain have a symbiotic relationship to one another.

I recently started this blog and have struggled tremendously with whether or not it was the right thing to do. Those that know me may say that I am a very private person. I take great care so that my marriage, family, friends, career and especially my spirituality stay in each carefully secured box so nothing co-mingles. Really, it almost seems like a finicky three year old who doesn’t want their food to touch. Certainly putting my personal thoughts and spiritual musings out for all to see puts me in danger of my secular boxes to be in disagreement with my non-secular boxes. Nothing would gut me more than to be criticized for loving God. Nothing is more important to me, and negative comments about it seems too difficult to bear. Even so, I am carrying on because I believe it may be the start of something I was called to do. i can imagine the way Adam and Eve felt in the garden after they had eaten the apple. They hid from God because they knew they were naked and didn’t know how God would react. So here I am spiritually naked for the world to see and I just don’t know how the world will react.

I have to admit its pretty scary to put who you really are and how you really think out to the billions of people on the planet. What if someone calls you a bible thumper? What if someone thinks you are not being biblical? What if, What if what if. This is what the bible calls living for the flesh. The flesh is your ego, your emotions, your pride and especially your fear. The human side of you. The imperfect side of you. My flesh has recently been screaming about being rejected and maybe even ridiculed publicly for what I believe. I was confiding in a friend of mine and she asked me if it made me uncomfortable why would I do it. I had no hesitation to respond that personal growth SHOULD make you uncomfortable. Can a woman in labor say “never mind,” can a growing child say “my bones hurt too much make it stop”? Why would a skydiver jump out of a plane, or astronauts get catapulted into space? Why would someone who is mentally ill go to therapy or an alcoholic go to AA? They are all looking to push themselves to be better, and taking risks and enduring pain either because to make it to the other side, you have to go THROUGH.

It has been a long road to come to the point I find myself at right now. The years of studying the Bible and the years of watching Joyce Meyer and my pastor Anthony Greco. These are years I cherish because I could actually keep my relationship with God to myself, but the closer I get to HIm the more I know I need to share what I know and how I have been changed. All these years of dealing with my shortcomings and regrets hasn’t been easy, but it has led me to where I am now. Love compels me to share what God has done for me and how, if you chose, He can do it for you too.

Sadly, today people don’t want to do the work. They don’t seem to want to go into the dark places and let the light in. Others like myself may think “I don’t want truth to come to light, what if people knew what I have done, what if people knew who I am.” The truth is that some people may not understand, and some people may not accept you for who you truly are. Guess what, that is on them, not you. Sometimes when you go to the next season of your life not everyone or everything can come with you. Believe it not not that is okay. We all make choices and if some choices don’t match your choices, as difficult as you may think it is, maybe it just can’t come with you. And that is okay. People are around often for a reason, a season or a lifetime (so they say) and you can’t force that square peg into a round hole. Its not fair to either of you.

So does growth need to be painful? Not really, but real growth will challenge you. Challenging is difficult but not painful. We all need to be challenged or we will never reach the purpose we were created for or we may even miss the best things God has planned for us because of fear. When we step out in faith that even though we are scared or there is a threat of losing friends or credibility, obedience to God is the only way to discover what you were designed for. Even if you take a step and after a little while you realize it wasn’t the right move, you can re-group and try something else. If you read the story of Job, no one else could have suffered more than him. He lost his money, his children, his belongings and his health. Then after he had suffered God restored double what he had before for his trouble. If you walk by faith God will never let you down.

Now the just shall live by faith: But if anyone draws back, my soul has no pleasure in him – Hebrews 10:38

I would rather say that I probably should have done it differently, than to regret never having done difficult things at all. I guess in the end I am saying I will take a little earthly pain and please God, than risk pleasing the world and losing my soul. Has it been your experience that the best things in life you have to work for?